I was gripped in a sudden agony of despair as I considered that alternative. My mind rejected the pain like a titan,162 quickly skipping on to the next option.
I could do nothing different. After all, if he was something... sinister,163 he'd done nothing to hurt me so far. In fact, I would be a dent in Tyler's fender if he hadn't acted so quickly. So quickly, I argued with myself, that it might have been sheer love-muscle reflexes. And if it was a love-muscle reflex to save lives, how bad could he be? I retorqued. My head spun around in answer-circles.
There was one thing I was sure of, if I was sure of anything. The dark Fredward in my dream last night was a reflection only of my fear of the word Squaw had spoken, and not Fredward himself. Even so, when I'd screamed out in terror at the wereloaf's lunge, it wasn't fear for the loaf that brought the cry of "no" to my hot lips. It was the fear that he would be harmed—even as he called to me with sharp-edged fangs, I feared for Him.
And I knew in that I had my answer. I didn't know if there ever was a choice, really. I was already in too deep. Now that I knew—if I knew—I could do nothing about my frightening secret.164 Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now, or then, in the moment that I thought about it.
Even if... but I couldn't think it. Not here, alone in the darkening forest. Not while the rain made it dim as twilight165 under the canopy and pattered like a baby's footsteps across the matted earthen floor. I shivered and rose quickly from my place of concealment, worried
162. The Titan Atlas was charged with the eternal task of holding the sky aloft on his back, forever preventing it from reuniting with the Earth.
163. Sinistar (1938), a computer action game where the player must destroy a sinister star. Notable for its use of digitized speech, which includes lines such as "I hunger!" and "Run, coward!"
164. The New York Times called his secret "electrifying."
165. By Stephenie Meyer, published October 5, 2005 by Little, Brown and Company.