"Aren't you?" he contradicted in a voice so low I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear. We drove through the fog-shrouded streets, always too fast, feeling awkward. I was, at least. Last night all the walls were down... almost all.216 I didn't know if we were still in walls-down mode today. It left me tongue-tied. I waited for him to speak.
He turned to smirk at me. "What, no twenty questions today?"
"Do my questions bother you?" I asked, relieved that I had managed to come up with something to say.
"Not as much as your reactions do." He looked like he was joking, but I couldn't be sure.
I frowned. "Do I react badly?"
"No, that's the problem. You react goodly. You take everything so... coolly, kind of... unnaturally coolly.217 It really makes me wonder what you're thinking!"
"I always tell you what I'm really thinking."
"You edit," he accused.
"Not very much."
"Enough to drive me insane!" I looked up at him. How could someone so average drive someone so perfect anywhere?
"You don't want to hear it," I mumbled, almost whispering. As soon as the words were out, I regretted them. The pain in my voice was very faint; I hoped he hadn't noticed it, but I knew he had. The bonds between us were too strong to keep secrets like these.
He didn't respond, and I wondered if I had ruined the mood. His face was unreadable as we drove into the school parking lot. Something occurred to me belatedly.
216. To this day, some parts of the Berlin Wall are still standing.
217. Coolie: a derogatory term for Chinese people dating back from mid-1800's California, when European settlers considered the Chinese settlers "too cool for school." By "school," they meant the systematic denigration and subjugation of the Chinese people.