"I was afraid... because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. I can't stay with you. I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should want to stay with you, despite the obvious reasons that I can't." I looked down at the hands as I spoke. It was difficult for me to say this aloud.
"Yes," Fredward agreed slowly— very slowly, bouncing up and down, his perfect behind grazing the table at times. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."
But the truth was, he was the best interest I had ever had. Didn't he know that?
I frowned, wondering if I should tell him about my interests. If it was something he didn't know, was it my responsibility to make it known? I looked at him, at that irresistible squat atop the table. He was the absolute image of perfection and I almost couldn't take another minute of it.
"I should have left long ago," he sighed. "I should have left twenty minutes ago. I should have left twenty seconds ago. I should leave now...! But I don't know if I can. Sometimes it's hard. To be able to do. What you should do. You know?"
"I don't want you to leave," I mumbled pathetically, staring down again. It was dangerous for me to look at him.
"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I'm only human. I crave your company too much to do what I should. I'm only human."
"I'm glad."
"Don't be!" He withdrew his hand, more gently this time; his voice harsher than harsh. Harsh for him, but still more beautiful than any human voice. It was hard to keep up—his sudden mood changes left me always a step behind, dazed.274
"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." He stopped, and I looked to see him gazing unseeingly into the forest.
I thought for a long moment. During this time, Fredward put his hand under his chin and looked off into the distance. It seemed like there wasn't anything he could do with his face or body that wouldn't distract me from trying to sort things out...
"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by that last part anyway. I mean, I'm pretty sure I understood most of it besides that part," I said. The truth was that I didn't really understand any of it, but I wasn't about to tell him I didn't understand something without establishing that there was something I did understand.
274. Fredward's antics make Bella feel like she is living in 4D with 3D glasses on.