"I nodded," I said, though I remembered that day for a different reason... "The day you started talking to me again."
"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, the ferocious fury, that I felt—I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. I mean, I knew that you didn't know, at that point, about his... you know... So was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? How could I know? All I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.
"And then the line started forming," he chuckled. "The line of men waiting for their turn to wipe your ass."
I scowled in the darkness.
"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. At that moment, I felt like we were one. But I couldn't be sure. Not yet, at least.
"That was the first night I came here. I wanted to know if there was any chance you could ever want me the way I wanted you. I wrestled with myself all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted.291 I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, 'til you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike or someone like him. It made me angry. And at that moment, I knew that life was going to be so much different than a movie.
"And then," he whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. And at that moment, I knew you loved me. You rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed loudly. The feeling that coursed through me was unnerving, staggering.292 And I knew, then, that I couldn't ignore you any longer." He was silent for a
291. Please see discussion question #10.
292. It was a late-breaking, immortal puberty.