"To watch airplanes. You don't seem to be interested in airplanes anymore, but I'm sure the others will just airplane without you."
"You're going the wrong way if you're looking for the runway," he chuckled.
I turned around without looking at him, and stalked on and on. He caught me again and again.
"Caught ya!" He exclaimed, rubbing my shoulders vigorously, and then rubbing his own, as if in some gesture of divine symmetry. "Don't be mad, girl. I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face. You should have detached your eyes from your face so you could see your own goddamn face. You should have." He chuckled.
"Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
"I wasn't mad at you."
"'Bella, you'll be the death of me'?" I quoted sourly.
He looked confused. "Why are you quoting me?"
I tried to turn away from him but he held me, fast and hard.
"You were mad," I insisted. "I was there," I added with a hiss.
"Yes."
"But you just said—"
"It's not you that I was mad at. Can't you see that, Bella?" He was suddenly intense—no, extense, his self had gone completely beyond tense—and all trace of teasing? Gone. "Don't you see?"
"See what?" I demanded, confused by his sudden mood swings as much as his words.
"I'm never angry with you—how could I be? Brave, trusting... warm." He pulled me close against his coldness.
"Then why?" I whispered into his chest, remembering the black moods that pulled him away from me that I'd always interpreted as well-justified frustration—frustration at my weakness, my slowness, my unpredictable carnal needs...
He put his hands carefully on both sides of my face. "The universe." he said gently. "The way it can't seem to

366

Chapter 17

←

→

main contents contact