"I thought I was hiding," I mumbled.
"Yes, but Fredward—"
"Fredward is coming?" The words were like a life vest: orange, neon, buoyant, holding my head above the flood of emotion.
"Yes, he's catching the first flight out of Seattle. We'll meet him at the airport, and you'll leave with him."
"But, my mommy... he came here for my momommy, Alice!" Despite Jasper, the hysteria bubbled up in my throat.
"Fredward's coming for you, honey. Not your mother."
"NO!" I flailed, lashing out at the couch. "No, the vampire that wants to kill my mom!"
"Jasper and I will stay 'til she's safe."
"Can't you see?" I screeched. "Because I can! My eyes are wide open and I can totally see. This is just what he wants! Are you blind? He's not tracking me at all. Why would he? I'm just ugly old Bella Duck, nothing special. Who he wants are the people I love, and he'll hurt them just to get to me... Alice, I can't—"
I was lightheaded from all the shouting and fell over before I could finish, right into Alice's arms. She held me and said, "We'll catch him Bella. That's a promise."
"But what if you get hurt, Alice? Do you think that's okay with me? Do you think it's only my human family he can hurt me with? Can you even feel emotions, Alice? Do you know what it's like?"
Alice looked meaningfully at Jasper. A deep, heavy fog of lethargy washed over me, and my eyes closed without my permission. My mind struggled against the fog, realizing what was happening. I forced my eyes open and stood up, stepping away from Jasper's groping hand.
"I don't want to go back to sleep," I snapped.327
I walked to my room and shut the door, slammed it, so I would be free to go to pieces privately. This time Alice didn't follow me. For three and a half hours I stared at the wall, curled in a ball, rocking. My mind went around in circles, trying to come up with some way out of this nightmare. I wished I had my Jane Austen with me, but there was no escape, no reprieve. I could see only one possible end looming darkly in my future. The only question was how many other people I'd hurt doing it, and if they'd care.
327. "One of my motivations in writing the Twilight Saga was to show the scientific community that sleep was an emotion, not just a physical activity." The Author, Harvard Commencement Speech 2015