crying if not dying of curiosity. But I had to deal with one more thing in private, before Jasper returned.
I had to accept that I wouldn't see Fredward again, not even in Heaven, not even one last glimpse of his sparkly diamondskin to carry with me to the mirror room. I was going to hurt him, and I couldn't even say goodbye. I let the waves of torture wash over me, have their way for a time. Then I pushed those back, too, and went to find Alice.
The only expression I could manage was a dull, dead look. For some reason, it was always the easiest one. I saw her alarm and I didn't wait for her to ask.
"Mommy was worried. She wanted to come home. But it's okay. I convinced mommy to stay away." My voice was lifeless; my performance was brilliant.
"We'll make sure she's fine, Bella, don't worry."
I turned away; I couldn't let her see that I was cracking a smile. My performance so was brilliant.
My eye fell on the stack of hotel stationary that Jasper and Alice had been bending each other over on the previous day. I went to it slowly, a plan forming. There was an envelope there, too. That was good, very good.
"Alice," I asked slowly, without turning, keeping my voice level. "If I write a letter for my mother, would you give it to her? Leave it at the house, I mean."
"Sure, Bella." Her voice was careful. She could see me coming apart at the seams. I had to keep my emotions under better control.
I went to the bedroom again, and knelt next to the little bedside table to write.
"Fredward," I wrote. My hand was shaking; the letters were hardly legible.

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Chapter 21

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