I told the surprised cabbie my mother's address. "I need to get there as soon as possible." "That's in Scottsdale," he whined.
I threw a grip of nugs at his face.
"Will that be enough?"
He stared at me. "There better be more where that came from."
"Obviously. Just step on it."
I sat back against the seat, folding my arms tight across my lap. Dank nugs meant nothing to me anymore. Nothing. The familiar city began to rush around me, but I didn't look out the windows. I exerted myself to maintain control. I was determined not to lose my self-control at this point, now that my plan was successfully completed. There was no point in indulging in more terror, more anxiety. My path was set in stone. My plan was cold and hard like stone; my plan was cold and hard like Fredward.
The thought of Fredward pushed my mood to new heights. Instead of panicking, I began to swoon over the unimaginable image in my head, Fredward's invisible voice in my ears, the cold, hard touch I dreamt of in my waking hours... I closed my eyes and spent the twenty minutes' drive ensconced in my memories of Fredward's helping hands.
I wondered where we would have gone in our new life together. North somewhere, so he could be outside in the day. So we could go outside together, walk our dogs, and take our children to the park without worry. Or maybe somewhere very remote, so we could lay together all day in the sun, watching him sparkle. I imagined him by the seashore, his bare skin sparkling like the sea. It wouldn't matter how long we had to hide. To be trapped in a hotel room with him would be a kind of Heaven, a new way of knowing him, a new way of knowing the world. So many questions I still had for him, questions that could only be answered in a hotel room. I could talk to him forever, asking these questions, and more, never sleeping, never leaving his side, never losing sight of his shine.
I could see his face so clearly now... could almost hear his

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Chapter 22

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