"Absolutely, man. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish—we're down to a two, maybe three years' supply."
"You're sure easy to live with, Bella," he smiled.
After dinner, I "folded clothes" and "moved another load through the dryer." Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only kept hands busy... My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. I was Bella. Bella Duck. I could do this.
I pulled his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written in his elegant script. I sighed lovingly. He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice—to cut him out of my life? Psssht. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him...
But something in the back of my mind, if not the back of my mind itself, worried, wondering if it would hurt very much if it ended badly; if he fell victim to one of his other desires...
I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never even dreamed of doing before, something I had, on many occasions, thought less of other people for doing: I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine—the kind that knocked me the fuck out

252

Chapter 12

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