"Yes," I said cautiously.
He shook his head and muttered something unintelligible. I thought I picked out the word 'overreaction.'
"Why did you say that?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?"
"No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not, be rational, I don't even know why you would think something like that, because I would never say it, because you are all I want in this 'life,' Bella, and don't you ever, ever forget it. And I had no problem with saving you, either—if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger... that I'm the reason that you're here."
"Yes, you are the reason." I frowned. "The reason I'm here now—alive."
"Barely." His voice was just a whisper. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move."
"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience," I said, growing irritated. "I was thinking of the others—you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, that Tyler might have run me over, or I'd have gotten raped in Fort Angles, or I'd have completely fainted when Mike made me look at his blood. If it weren't for you, I would be buried deep in some forgotten plot in the Forks cemetery. Thrice."
He winced at my words and the haunted look didn't leave his eyes.
"That's not the worst part, though," he continued to whisper. He acted as if I hadn't spoken. "Not seeing you there on the floor... crumpled and broken." His voice was choked. "Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain—all those things are bearable, memories once membered and just as quickly dismembered. No, the very worst was feeling—knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself."
"But you didn't."
"But I could have."

473

Chapter 24

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